struct

Oct 24th

Yeah but no but yeah

Me: What's the weather gunna be like tomorrow night?
Benjamin: 23
Me: Noice
Benjamin: sunny but cloudy
Me: I....what?

Oct 23rd

Male coworker: I have a date with a new woman this weekend.
Female coworker: Yeah? What's she like?
Male coworker: Sounds promising. She doesn't smoke. No kids. No pets.
Female coworker: You do realize that your endgame involves being this woman's boyfriend and not her landlord, don't you?

Oct 23rd

Office gal: So last night I learned that human skin is essentially an evolutionary trait that allowed us to run!
Office guy: Okay...
Office gal: Cause it has more sweat glands and less fur, which meant we didn't overheat when chasing down prey...
Office guy: Great. (turns to leave)
Office gal: Hey, where are you going?
Office guy: To the bathroom.
Office gal: Okay, but come back because I have more things to tell you about sweat!

Oct 23rd

Boss to office (about imminent website launch): Five minutes to go live!
Boss to sysadmin: Are you going to do anything?
Sysadmin to boss: I'm diabetic, I need a burrito.
Boss to office: Go live delayed for burrito.

Oct 23rd

:(

Oct 23rd

Oct 23rd

I bought one of these yesterday.

Oct 23rd

Oct 23rd

Scotch

Andy: i want to bitch slap peter molyneaux fuckface
Andy: fable ii is buggy and shit
Andy: and i've been hanging out for it for ages
Andy: the first fable was sooooooooooooo awesome
Andy: but now "i'm a genius with an artistic vision" fuckface has decided to make the sequel appeal to "non-gamers"
Andy: so instead of wearing armour with a certain defense value, there's no such thing as armour
Andy: or health
Andy: you cannot die
Andy: but you can choose between five different emo hairstyles to express your individuality
Andy: BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I PLAY AN FANTASTICAL MEDEIVAL ROLE PLAYING GAME FOR.
Andy: NOT TO KILL GOBLINS AND TROLLS, BUT TO LOOK LIKE THE LEAD SINGER OF MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE.
Andy: YOU FUCKFACE MOTHERFUCKER.
Me: Did you have Scotch for breakfast again?

Oct 22nd

Oct 22nd

Grow up, Johnson

Me: Cupcake
Marc: coconut head
Me: Yeah you've got pink icing on your head
Me: And those steel balls on your head
Me: And you walk around wearing paper
Me: And people go "Oh hey cupcakes - oh wait it's just some guy"
Marc: your mum has steel balls
Marc: like mine
Marc: but hers drag along the ground
Marc: her friends call her sparky

Oct 22nd

Watch

Scenes from my new favourite show, 30 rock

Oct 22nd

Oct 21st

Watch

Awesome.

Oct 21st

Oct 21st

Shit Message Service

Benjamin: ffs my first sms on my iphone is mik telling me he just took a shit

Oct 21st

Watch

Terry Tate’s back baby, WOO!

Oct 20th

Oct 20th

Watch

The intro to idiocracy

Oct 20th

Oct 20th

Oct 20th

Holidays

Andy: it's 10.30 on a mondayu
Andy: And i'm pissed
Andy: holidays are great
Me: When did you start?
Andy: 4pm yesterday

Oct 19th

Oct 19th

Watch

lolercoaster

Oct 19th

Code blue, Dr. Freud

Benjamin: http://frangry.tumblr.com/post/54933292/jessica-simpson-gives-good-pic
Me: She got porky
Benjamin: still looks like she'd give a wicked blog job yet
Me: blog job?
Me: you've been on the internet too long
Benjamin: I....
Benjamin: I have nothing to say 

Oct 17th

Oct 17th

Oct 17th

hehehehehehe

Oct 17th

Oct 17th

Oct 17th

Oct 17th

Slow day

Andy: i haven't done anything yet today
Andy: except come in late and take a long lunch
Me: I've played ping pong twice and written 1 page of stuff
Andy: hehe
Me: And had 2 beers
Me: This economic downturn has its advantages

Oct 17th

An Emperor penguin chick embryo inside its egg after about...

Oct 16th

A Chihuahua foetus in the womb during the final week of...

Oct 16th

This baby kitten is just a week away from being born

Oct 16th

Oct 16th

Oct 16th

Woman: Can you tell me what's the temperature in Frankfurt?
Check-in agent: Fahrenheit?
Woman: No, Frankfurt.

Oct 15th

Drone #1: Christ! I need to play the lottery.
Drone #2: Why, how much is it?
Drone #1: 250 million. If I win I'm flipping the bird to this place and you and I are gonna go hit Vegas. I'm gonna die balls deep in some hot stripper.
Drone #2: A female one right?
Drone #1: At 250 million, it won't matter.

Oct 15th

Angry customer on phone: Where are you located at?
CSR: Iowa.
Angry customer on phone: I outta come there and kick your ass!
Calm CSR: With all due respect sir, bring it. (hangs up)

Oct 15th

Oct 15th

Watch

 Immortal - Antarctica

Oct 14th

Oct 14th

Grammer

Damien: your into pop will eat itself, i would of never guessed
Me: You're
Me: And yes
Damien: fuck off
Me: I get that a lot
Damien: too early for grammer lessons
Me: Grammar

Oct 13th

Andy: i can't tell if the media is like a snake eating itself or a circle jerk where no one ever comes
Andy: it's one of the two though

Oct 13th

Oct 13th

Watch

Oct 13th

Oct 13th

Oct 12th

Oct 12th

Oct 12th

Oct 12th

Oct 10th

Shifty

Ash: I'll foward you Crikey's today
Ash: its a good read
Ash: best $120 I spend a year
Ash: sent.
Me: Straight to my junk email
Ash: realy?
Ash: why is that
Me: It doesn't trust you, you shifty cunt

Oct 10th

Jesus wept

Ash: i've read a few articles now where journos in liberal papers like the NYtimes and WSJ, talk about this being the end of globalisation
Ash: with these high powered CEOs doing what not hippy protest could do
Ash: end it all
Ash: man, we might go back to trading cows
Ash: that would be cool
Me: Earth should be renamed
Me: Third Failure from the Sun
Ash: hahahaha
Ash: what was 1 and 2
Ash: they didn't really fail
Ash: well maybe they did
Me: Of course they did
Ash: i.e life didn't start?
Me: Mercury's like the Wasabi pea of the solar system
Me: Small and hot
Ash: hahahahahahahahahha
Me: Venus is nothing more than a round fart
Ash: i think you should tumblr this
Ash: history will remember you as the prophet of messenger

Oct 10th

Oct 10th

Oct 9th

Watch

PG Porn (with Aria Giovanni. mmmm.)

Oct 9th

When insults get lazy

Me: Your right hand column is fubar in IE7
Andy: you're fubar in my right hand column
Me: So's your face
Andy: insert mother joke here

Oct 9th

Cunt

Ash: Just went to the bank
Ash: into a branch
Ash: and said, where are the withdrawl slips
Ash: and she goes, we haven't done those for years
Ash: don't you come to a branch often?
Ash: I went, the less I have to deal with you people the better, besides you appear to be cursed at the moment
Ash: she looked at me like I was the worlds biggest cunt

Oct 9th

(via lesbenjamin)

Oct 9th

Oct 8th

Oct 8th

Oct 8th

“Post Office Department, Washington,” circa...

Oct 8th

Oct 8th

Ze Germans

Ash: christ
Ash: I just read the side of my milk
Ash: iced coffee
Ash: carries these words
Ash: "You sip it, slurp it, scull it, or guzzle it'

Oct 8th

Oct 8th

Watch

Frente! - Bizarre Love Triangle

Oct 8th

Watch

Frente! - Lonely

Oct 8th

Watch

Frente! - Labour of Love

Oct 8th

Watch

Frente! - Accidentally Kelly Street

Oct 8th

Watch

Frente! - Ordinary Angels

Oct 8th

Oct 8th

Shut it down

Ash: so
Ash: I found instant shutdown on my macbook air
Ash: plugging the headphones into the USB socket

Oct 8th

Watch

Pennywise - Homesick

Oct 8th

Oct 7th

Listen

Walk the Earth - Rivers of Drought

Oct 7th

Oct 7th

Young waitress, dreamily: My friends and I just love that Joran Van Der Sloot.
Manager: The fact that he's accused of murder doesn't phase you?
Waitress: Only makes him hotter! (sighs)
Waiter: The next time I say women are stupid and you argue with me, I'm bringing this up, you know.

Oct 7th

Oct 7th

Huminahuminahuminahumina

Oct 7th

Oct 7th

Me: A friend of mine is in Israel at the moment
Me: I said "Yo, what's goin' down in Jewtown?"
Ash: I bet that went down well
Me: She logged off

Oct 7th

Watch

Envy - Further ahead of warp

Oct 7th

Oct 7th

Ash: ok
Ash: help me out here
Ash: KY jelly
Me: stop
Me: stop right there

Oct 7th

Oct 6th

11:11

Admin #1: My clock is broken!
Admin #2: Really?
Admin #1: Yes, it's showing all ones!

Oct 6th

Tubby manager: I need to lose some weight.
Blunt manager: How about you quit eating like a twelve-year-old whose parents aren't home from work yet, chunk-style?

Oct 6th

Oct 6th

Oct 5th

Oct 4th

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #13

Jay: "How do you stop getting a sore arse when you ride a bike?"
Me: "I dunno - put a seat on it?"

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #12

Jay on website overengineering: "It's like they tried to build a really tall building, like, the tallest building in the world when they could've built a small one"

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #11

Jay when watching a slow motion video: "It's like slow motion!"

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #10

Jay points at his calf muscle: "Is that the 'shin'?"

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #9

Jay: "My knee's itchy. No wait, what do you call it? Foot!"

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #7

Jay: "I've got a smile from chin to chin"

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #8

Jay on user interface design: "What's a good answer icon? A question mark?"

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #7

Jay: "There's a cool breeze coming from somewhere"
Me: "The air conditioning's on, Jay"

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #6

Jay: "Dion, it's some lawyer company thing"
*whole company laughs*
Jay: "You know what I mean...some customer talking business"
*whole company laughs harder*

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #5

Jay: "I'm not going to say anything stupid today...I'm just going to bite my teeth"

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #4

Me: "This Ektron thing is even worse"
Jay: "Did you just say the eggplant is moist?"

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #2

Jay: "Your mum's got a face like a front end washer"

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #3

Jay: "Of course you'd hear it if you had ears"
Me: *sigh*
Me: *long pause*
Me: "Deaf people, Jay. Deaf people."

Oct 3rd

Jayisms #1

*Jay asks what our names are spelled backwards*
Me: "I'm gunna change my name to a Palindrome, so if someone asks me that question I can just say my name."
Jay: "What's it called when you say a word backwards it's the same as forwards?"
Me: "I...I just said it."

Oct 3rd

Ash: yeah Mcain knows how to win
Ash: get captured

Oct 3rd

Oct 2nd

The Stranger

New employee: Why do we have to get a key to go to the restroom? This isn't elementary school!
Researcher: Yeah, it's annoying, but there are advantages.
New hire employee: What's that?
Researcher: If you're having a stressful day at work, you can rub one out in private.

Oct 2nd

Oct 2nd

Oct 2nd

Pants

Ash: bbcworld has live coverage of your MILF debate
Me: I can't wait for that
Me: It's gunna be a train wreck
Ash: youll have to keep your pants on
Me: It won't be the first time someone's told me to keep my pants on at work

Oct 2nd

Oct 2nd

Oct 2nd

Oct 2nd

Oct 2nd

Oct 2nd

Oct 2nd

Has anyone seen my paddle?

Ash: I've signed up for this new David Jones credit card
Ash: using the name
Ash: Mr American Economy
Ash: i need an address tho
Me: 800,000,000,000 Shit Creek Road

Oct 2nd

Oct 1st

Oct 1st

Oct 1st

Oct 1st

Oct 1st

Watch

 Autechre - Eutow

Oct 1st

Listen

:wumpscut: - Believe in me

Oct 1st