struct: Archive

Jan 31st

Boss: If the phone rings, and I'm still here...
Secretary: You're not here?
Boss: Right. I don't care if it's Carmen Electra calling for an emergency titty-fuck.

Jan 30th

Female coworker, after cutting in line to get her lunch: What happened to "ladies first"?
Male coworker: The womens' rights movement.

Jan 30th

Don't knock it, it's hours of fun

Lee: http://forums.australianinfront.com.au/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=173577&PageIndex=62#330363
Lee: these two. I think i tried for them on my camea.
Lee: esp. the 2nd one
Lee: hopefully it works
Me: That first shot looks like a miniature
Lee: heh
Lee: yeah, they do look like those fake trees you have on train sets
Me: Aye
Me: Except my train set when I was a kid was just a piece of masonite with a circular track
Lee: and it was nailed down, right?
Me: Yep
Lee: yeah, know the feeling
Lee: had to use lego to decorate it
Lee: ended up just playig with the lego
Me: Back then I could happily sit and watch the train go around in a circle for hours
Me: hehe
Lee: hehe
Lee: from the mind that brought you the "Throw a rock at a rock" game

Jan 29th

Felix: ive started blowing on j whilst ruffling his hair - he loves it

Jan 29th

Ash: what can I take for flu
Ash: my joints are killing me
Me: Lemsip!
Ash: thats for throats you sock smoker
Ash: I mean cock
Ash: fuck it

Jan 29th

Behold - the man who looks like a thumb!

Jan 28th

(via eyeonspringfield)

Jan 28th

Developer on phone with admin: Yeah, just add it to the list. The account name is 'consumer', password 'buttfucker'. Thanks.

Jan 28th

Secretary #1: I have Mountain Dew.
Secretary #2: Excuse me?
Secretary #1: I have Mountain Dew. (pause) My boobs are sweating.

Jan 27th

(via garfieldminusgarfield)

Jan 27th

Got a joke for ya

I had a car accident this morning. The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf! He...

Jan 27th

Andy: http://jobspeed.com.au/salarysurvey09.php
Me: I'm on the cusp of intermediate/advanced
Andy says: your mother's a cusp
Me says: So's your face
Andy says: sure is
Andy says: my face is on the cusp between breathtakingly handsome and irresistably awesome
Andy says: thanks for noticing
Me says: your face is on the cusp of being an ass
Andy says: your face is a lame comeback
Me says: so's your mum

Jan 27th

Jan 26th

Lowest Common Denominator

From News.com.au (of course): The only thing being blocked is content which would be classified as...

Jan 26th

(via garfieldminusgarfield)

Jan 26th

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-1-25)

Jan 25th

Jan 24th

Scrabble

Me: Yours
Lee: hmm. bad sign
Lee: you aren't normally that pro-active unles a: you're being smug about a good word
Lee: b: you're really bored
Lee: c: you've been sober for over a week
Me: d: all of the above
Lee: dammit

Jan 24th

Marfan syndrome

Jan 24th

Jan 23rd

Watch

Jan 23rd

Watch

Is Chewbacca trapped in my night stand?

Jan 23rd

Intern to boss: Ya ever just wanna work with no pants on?

Jan 23rd

Boss to secretary: At my last job, the two tech guys were the happiest. Except for the one that killed himself.

Jan 23rd

Jan 22nd

Watch

Jan 22nd

Oh dear

“WE WANT YOU! Sydney based, company hiring .Net, Java and Flash programmers. Exciting...

Jan 21st

Me: I want to smack the guy who came up with 'Cloud' in the face
Ash: hey fuck off
Ash: don't knock the cloud
Ash: Monkey rode a cloud
Ash: so cloud rocks, as monkey rocks
Ash: as monkey is a monkey, and as you know, monkeys rock
Me: Epic logic fail

Jan 21st

Jan 20th

Cubicle chick on phone with boyfriend: It's your wandy thingy...your wand isn't good. You need a new wand. (pause). No, I'm not going to eat that!

Jan 20th

Andy: they've got us using adobe elements at work. it's like trying to eat with a plastic spork.

Jan 20th

Jan 19th

General manager: Folks, this year is going to be like The Perfect Storm. You know, that movie with Kevin Costner.
Sales rep #1, whispering: Was Kevin Costner even in that movie?
General manager: We can either ride it out or we can push to the crest of the tsunami!
Sales rep #1: Didn't people die in The Perfect Storm?
Sales rep #2: Yes.

Jan 19th

Crazy new guy: I was reading a book about serial killers by that guy who came up with profiling. It listed traits of a serial killer and I have five of the nine traits. No one around me had better go missing or I'm going down for it.

Jan 19th

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-1-18)

Jan 19th

That's it. I'm moving to New York.

On Saturday, January 10, between 1,200 and 1,500 New Yorkers dropped their drawers for the 8th...

Jan 19th

Jan 18th

“Here I am trying to find out what’s happening back...”
— http://www.news.com.au/comments...

Jan 18th

Guy on cell: You have to pull the door and then turn the key. (pause) Did the key break off in the lock? (pause) Look at your key. Is half of it missing?

Jan 18th

Manager: Why doesn't our testing server work?
Programmer: I'll tell you exactly why it doesn't work. I built it.
Manager: I'm leaving now.

Jan 18th

Chief: Tom's got it all wrong. Most of the gay men I meet are eloquent, they're fit, into the arts. Tom's none of this things. He's fat, he's got a mass of body hair, bad breath...it's like he's only gay in his brain.

Jan 18th

Jan 16th

Jan 15th

Watch

In my opinion, no other band embodies the sound of Australia quite like Dirty Three.

Jan 15th

Ash: what's another word for homage
Ash: where you do a pisstake, but in good faith
Me: plagiarism

Jan 15th

Jan 14th

Watch

Jan 14th

Ash: heard the latest Qantas mishap
Ash: Qantas names it's new Airbus A380 after Nancy Bird Walton - she died yesterday
Me: Qantas - The Frank Spencer of the sky

Jan 14th

Ladies and Gentlemen, your host for the...

Ash: i just spent 99 cents on a fart app for the iphone

Jan 13th

Jan 12th

Jan 11th

Male disability attorney, venting to paralegal: I just kept thinking. Seriously, how can you not get your paperwork done? You're disabled, what else do you have to do?

Jan 11th

Boss: We need you two to go through these patents on review, every line of them, very carefully. You're going to have to be real anal.
Blond coworker: Oh, I'm real good at anal.
Boss: Great, any questions?

Jan 11th

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-1-11)

Jan 11th

The truth

Me: Did you know I've only just recently moved to Firefox?
Helen: wow
Helen: that took you a while
Helen: was it the bad press on explorer that did it?
Me: Nah it was having trouble rendering a porn site and become unresponsive

Jan 9th

Watch

Jan 9th

Jan 8th

(via garfieldminusgarfield)

Jan 8th

(via garfieldminusgarfield)

Jan 7th

ISYS guy, listening to music: Sublime is awesome. "I smoke two joints in the morning. I smoke two joints at night". Where do they come up with this stuff?
Accountant: They probably smoked two joints.
ISYS guy: I know! Lyrical genius!

Jan 6th

Fucking white people.

Jan 6th

Giggle loop

Lee: Something happened to me today that is one of those things that only ever happens to me
Lee: I have a new favourite jumper, but in this weather, or something, it's building up heaps of static electricity for no real reason
Lee: so I'm at work, and I take it off
Lee: and it builds up enought charge to actually zap me
Lee: through my jeans
Lee: onto the tip of my wang
Lee: it hurt
Lee: I'm the first person that has ever happened to

Jan 5th

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-1-4)

Jan 5th

Me: http://flickr.com/photos/biomechanic/3165721000/
Felix: FFS
Felix: LOOK AT THE VIEWS
FElix: # Viewed 5,475 times
Me: Jesus
Me: It shows how good a photographer I am, when my most popular photos aren't even photos
Felix: lol
Me: Fuckin shaped til the 20th
Felix: lol
Me: Stop laughing at my misfortune
Felix: lol
Me: :(

Jan 4th

struct

2009

2008

Don't knock it, it's hours of fun

Got a joke for ya

Lowest Common Denominator

Scrabble

Oh dear

That's it. I'm moving to New York.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your host for the...

The truth

Giggle loop