Like a conversation between Hugh Heffner and Woody Allen

  • Ben: lotsa money to be made in strip clubs
  • Ben: 10-15 girls
  • Ben: $300 per hour each
  • Ben: 5pm - 3am
  • Ben: 30k a night if you have 10 girls doing good time
  • Me: Then you've got insurance, rent, plant and equipment, wages
  • Ben: doesn't include booze
  • Me: Public liability
  • Me: Security
stfuparents: Weddings are a touchy subject. Especially if you’re Karin. Something tells me that Karin and this woman would get along aces. A few tips for Karin: - Ring bearers and flower girls are extra-special kids in the couple’s life, which is why they are part of the wedding. Your kid doesn’t fit that bill. - No one’s asking you to pay for a babysitter in order to attend their wedding. Either stay home, find a sitter, or exchange child care with another parent friend for free. - Skanky sorority sisters and obnoxious uncles have actual history with a couple, as opposed to your kid. And though they may come close, they probably won’t literally knock over a table of champagne flutes (also as opposed to your kid). - Enjoy your juice box ‘n’ hamburgs wedding. Everyone else will be wondering why you’re feeding kids sugar and letting them “loose” to “race around” and spill fruit punch everywhere. I guess a guest’s dry cleaning tab is payback for that adults-only reception your child wasn’t invited to? Tres sneaky! (submitted by Anonymous)

stfuparents:

Weddings are a touchy subject. Especially if you’re Karin. Something tells me that Karin and this woman would get along aces.

A few tips for Karin:

- Ring bearers and flower girls are extra-special kids in the couple’s life, which is why they are part of the wedding. Your kid doesn’t fit that bill.

- No one’s asking you to pay for a babysitter in order to attend their wedding. Either stay home, find a sitter, or exchange child care with another parent friend for free.

- Skanky sorority sisters and obnoxious uncles have actual history with a couple, as opposed to your kid. And though they may come close, they probably won’t literally knock over a table of champagne flutes (also as opposed to your kid).

- Enjoy your juice box ‘n’ hamburgs wedding. Everyone else will be wondering why you’re feeding kids sugar and letting them “loose” to “race around” and spill fruit punch everywhere. I guess a guest’s dry cleaning tab is payback for that adults-only reception your child wasn’t invited to? Tres sneaky!

(submitted by Anonymous)

I hate patriotism, I can’t stand it, man, it makes me fucking sick. It’s a round world, last time I checked, okay? You know what I mean? I hate patriotism.

In fact, that’s how we can stop patriotism, I think. Instead of putting stars and stripes on our flag, we should put pictures of our parents fucking!

Gather people around that flag, and see your dad hunched over your mom’s big 4x4 butt, see if any boot ‘n rally mentality can circle around that little fuckin’ image.

Bill Hicks
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